I can't seem to get motivated today. Yesterday was great and I felt fabulous (a word I use too frequently to describe everything), but today is not going so well. I heard it referred to as an emotional hangover. I put so much effort and invested so much thought into how great I felt that I am disappointed today isn't playing out the same. I suppose I should just let it ride and take it as it comes without applying expectations. Nothing disturbing has happened. I just don't feel as though it is worth the effort today. Without getting too deep and frightening everyone I am feeling as though I am not worthy and don't belong. Luckily I don't feel like drinking, OK maybe a little! If only I could find something that would put me out of my misery while I do all the f**king housework. That laundry totally stresses me out. I know it shouldn't!!! Good god it is only laundry. Some people wake up each day and have to go to work (AAAAAAAaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh, what a horrible word), and there are people out there with disabilities, diseases, and whatever else who would love for their only burden to be laundry. OK that puts in prospective!!!!!! My iPod and I will gladly put away the fucking laundry and get on with our day.
At this moment I am grateful for being sober and not waking up hung, my perfect children, the fact that I have laundry to put away, whipped cream, PBS, my neighbor, Denise, and of course, the sun!!
Wishing everyone a happy and healthy day!
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6 comments:
That blonde little girl looks just like you!! Stay strong!! Do that laundry!! Love the smell, the warmth, the clean clothes!! lol. Take it day by day and only that. Don't think about tomorrow, about the future. You're kids are beautiful, think of them. Have a nice night, girl.
Johna,
I found you, by trying to find something that would "help" a friend who is just shy of 90 days, sober! She had an "overwhelming" start to her day and was contemplating "a drink"...…"and its not like I am going to forget everything I have learned if I do take a drink. I mean really?! Is it seriously a big deal? No!!!..." to quote her. My response was.."I will remind you that "TIME TAKES TIME"......you just re-set the clock...that's all!" She's heard it ALL from me so I thought she might benefit from thoughts "greener" than mine. It was the "stranger's" who helped me get sober (another fascinating aspect of "anonimity")! NOT my parents, wife, brother, sister or friends...They were TOO guarded with their "suggestions"! Or I always had the ready "answer" (excuse) for them. I have also, shared your site with another friend, who has been sitting on the fence for a year. I remember the "feelings" you describe and am reminded of "where I come from"! I am the little "spanish guy" from an Adam Sandler movie...."YOU CAN DO IT!"
Here are some important links that helped me in the early going
http://www.tlctx.com/ar_pages/paw_part1.htm
What I believe the Steps are doing for us...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pCj-cdk5DFg
A video blogger...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ymykZx8Vggo
I noticed your run...use that skill when you "want to quit" push threw the "pain"! IT WILL GET BETTER!!!
I look forward to watching your progress and thank you, again for sharing, so honestly, your experience.
Here is some fun STUFF
LIVING IN THE MOMENT...THERE IS ONLY....NOW!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v2FayS_AHcA
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pe5p1BXNCQM
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-8566451118924903643&q=BIG+SURF
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4fUwJ5Q26WU
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=INlLDM6_x28
Your in good company
http://www.wpbf.com/entertainment/13269350/detail.html?taf=wpb
I just re-read my comments and unlike "most" of my relationships, your family, friends and MOST importantly, your husband and children sound incredibly supportive! You are indeed blessed! My point was that your words are helpful to many people you will probably never meet!
Hi Johna, thanks for your comment on my blog.
If AA isn't feeling right, or you want to check out more options, look up Rational Recovery in your area, or go to www.womenforsobriety.org
Stay strong, it takes time.
hey girl! i had that a lot in the beginning too, roller coaster emotions - high today and low tomorrow. and it confused the shit out of me. but don't worry about it. it's normal. remember you cannot be happy all the time. the aim is to find that mid emotional level (i laughed when i heard that, said i'd never get there. i've always been a person of extremes, same as my emotions). and these highs and lows still happen, but more often than not, i'm in the middle, and as boring as i thought it would be, it's actually quite soothing and peaceful there. so hang in there!
in the end though its the steps and HP that will provide you with the mental defense against drinking.
Willpower, and self knowledge is not enough, eventually it all gives way. Take action before you drink.
Try the suggestions on my blog 5th September.
Take care
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