Andy just left for who knows where and I am alone for over 24 hours without the ability to go to a meeting. I want a drink in the worst way and am truly wondering if I can handle it. I know, I know call someone. I should and maybe I will. It is a beautiful day and all I can think about is how I am going to get to the liquor store with my kids around. Some days they are the only thing that saves me from drinking. This is not going to be easy. I have a billion things I can do, but my thoughts keep coming back to the drink!!!!!! Make it go away.
How am I expected to watch football without a beer? I suppose if I don't turn it on, it would be easy. They are calling my name.
I should call around and get a sitter so I can go to a meeting tonight. I'll let you know how it goes.
The meeting which I love was not so fabulous last night. There were too many people and I felt feverish. I could not wait to get out for some fresh air. My head was pounding and I felt like shit. I bugged out before the closing, because I did not want to hold any one's hand and spread my disease. I wish it would have been a better experience for me, and maybe I would not feel so tempted today.
Wish me luck.. I have to go watch the kids put on a play. It is always a good laugh.
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This is for you, Kate
A day at a time in the life of a not so drunk soccer mom.
This is for you, Kate
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3 comments:
Having the phone there means you are never alone unless you choose to be.
Stop trying to do it on your own! If you get in the habit of calling another alcoholic every day, whether you want to or not, Its sort of 'practice' for when you NEED to make a calll, like today.
So, like they say, 'pick up the phone BEFORE you pick up a drink'. You can email me friendofbill@fastmail.fm your number if you want, as it costs next to nothing to calll the us from here..
Good luck with the sitter!
The "BUG" has got you good, girl! Hopefully, this reaches you before it's too late! With your young age, honesty, intelligence, and this "unique", blogging technique, I was lulled into the trap of believing you were on "top of things". My bad! I was as duped as you were! The BIG difference is, if I get "complacent" and start to get "itchy", I have over 80 phone numbers, in my cell, that are recorded, "A A Name", in that way they are the FIRST numbers to appear in my address book(a strategy!) and we "know" each other is a DRUNK! The first number I call is my SPONSOR, then approx. 5 co-sponsors, then co-co-sponsors, then any number designated "A A"! So far, I have never NEEDED to go beyond my sponsor. Getting off the "well worn" drinking path (routine) as you go through your day requires "clearing" a NEW trail. Think of your old path, as a "superhighway" and you have SUDDENLY decided to go into the "jungle" (unfamiliar territory) to beat a small trail of 24hrs SOBER! Think of the phone as your "machete". It cuts back the intangling vines that grow overnight! It kills the serpent which lays waiting at the edge of your new path! The more days you march along this path the clearer it gets.... at the same time the "superhighway" is WIDE OPEN and waiting for you! "YOU"(EGO) may have even added the "JOHNA HIGHBALL LANE"! DON'T GO THERE!! The REAL YOU is building a "BETTER WAY" of travelling through a day...You MUST get a GUIDE to help with the "clearing" and many "machetes" to ease the struggle! As I said Friday, "This early going is the MOST critical!"
I will add "treacherous" to that warning! I pray you called someone.
The phone is a "life-line", it connects you to a SOBER person, to keep you from "falling" when your stuck, hanging by your fingertips!
If you got through this "temptation", what "set you off"? The being unmonitored (Andy)? Nobody will know? What could it hurt? What was YOUR "trigger"? This is VERY important for you to know so that you don't even load the gun! Think of other triggers and develop a strategy. This is just one of the things your SPONSOR can help you with.
ALL of us "commenting", really do care about you. LISTEN to what is suggested! Basics- DON'T DRINK, GET A SPONSOR, GO TO MEETINGS, USE THE PHONE,H.A.L.T. (Hungry,Angry,Lonely,Tired)...Did you check out that "link" I sent about PAWS(PostAccuteWithdrawlSyndrome)? IT'S REAL!!!...PRAY
I hope you stayed sober...we're here, even if you didn't. Keep the honesty flowing!
hey! hope you're well! and that you enjoyed the kid's play! how's it going now?
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