Went to a meeting last night after a hellish weekend. (That is all I will say. The details make me want to throw up, again.) I finally got some numbers and chatted a little. Most AA people are so very sweet and kind and understanding. I made some comments to a few people about how the AA thing is asking a lot and that I have a party to go to on Friday. They did not get that it was a joke. You kind of had to be there. With that, one woman said you don't have to not drink forever just in this moment. But if I am always sober in the moment, won't I be sober forever. Is this it?
Not feeling up to typing this am, but maybe more later when I get more coffee in me.
Today I am grateful for advil, my ipod, the school bus (which comes tomorrow), the promise of a beautiful day, my husband for giving me the day off, those early rising kids, and football season.
Hope you all have a great day!!!!
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This is for you, Kate
A day at a time in the life of a not so drunk soccer mom.
This is for you, Kate
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About Me
- Johna
- New York
- A little about myself...I am a 32 year old mom of three beautiful children and wife of a very supportive and loving man. I have everything I could ever want, except for the willpower to stop drinking.
1 comment:
Nice to see you posting again Johna. If you had any idea how low the long term success rate, and how HIGH the short term failure rate is, you would know why they did not laugh when you said you had a party to go to on Friday. Relapse amongst newcomers is VERY common. It is quite rare for a newcomer to have the 'gift of desperation', or to be 'sick and tired of being sick and tired', enough to actually be teachable. Most think they are 'not that bad', so they continue to rely on their devastatingly flawed reasoning. They do not do the suggestions, and they relapse.
Your weekend and the predictable outcome reminds me of this passage:
http://anon-recovery-archive.blogspot.com/2006/06/we-drank-for.html
We drank for happiness and became unhappy.
We drank for joy and became miserable.
We drank for sociability and became argumentative.
We drank for sophistication and became obnoxious.
We drank for friendship and made enemies.
We drank for sleep and awakened without rest.
We drank for strength and felt weak.
We drank “medicinally” and acquired health problems.
We drank for relaxation and got the shakes.
We drank for bravery and became afraid.
We drank for confidence and became doubtful.
We drank to make conversation easier and slurred our speech.
We drank to feel heavenly and ended up feeling like hell.
We drank to forget and were forever haunted.
We drank for freedom and became slaves.
We drank to erase problems and saw them multiply.
We drank to cope with life and invited death.
A member of Alcoholics Anonymous once sent columnist Ann Landers this passage.
Take it on trust that you ARE that bad. Even though you are unable to see it at the moment.
You will. Eventually.
An old timer used to say when I was new:
'Why not try this AA thing for just 90 days?. Do what they suggest for 90 days. If you don't like it, fair enough. You can go off and do your own thing. You can have ALL your misery back. With interest."
Another one he said.
"Its better to be IN AA pretending to be an alcoholic. Than to be OUTSIDE AA, pretending you're not"
Keep coming back!
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