Margarita Friday

So, the laundry wasn't so bad, and to my surprise, I managed to survive. Although sometimes I think all the odd socks are just waiting till their army is big enough for a take over. Where the hell are their mates?

Yesterday was a roller coaster for me. I started to post another entry, but deleted it. I could not get my thoughts together. My head was spinning and I was actually afraid of the things that were surfacing.

I started to write about how I felt like a was living a temporary life. A life that wasn't supposed to be mine and I was waiting for my real life to start. Sometimes it just doesn't seem genuine. It is a great life and I sure that some people would kill for such an uncomplicated and sedate life. I am not asking for something different; I am simply stating that it does not feel like mine. Maybe it is because I do not feel worthy. Maybe the life that has been planned for me in my mind is a really shitty one. That being said, the day took a 180 degree turn in late afternoon. The kids came home from school and usually this makes me want to drink. Just the opposite...all the neighborhood kids gathered in our yard to put on "show". They were playing music on their radio and singing along. The sun was out and it was the perfect temperature, the wind was blowing the most perfect breezes and it could not have been better. I sat on the deck and watched the kids. They did not know I was there. No one was fighting, no one was taking control, they were just getting along fabulously. It is still fresh in my mind and I hope I can keep it there forever. I wish everyone who is affected by these kids could have been there sitting secretly with me watching the perfect afternoon. These are the days I hope to remember forever.

We are going camping today and we are excited. I plan to pack some beer for Andy, but don't plan to drink. If I only pack a few, I know he will want to drink them, and a few is not enough for me(and let's be honest, we all know I prefer my Absolute or Ketel One). Everyone tells me that I should get rid of it (the beer), but it is my problem not his. He is supportive and doesn't drink, but he deserves it. Good for him and being able to handle his alcohol. I only wish I could be that strong. Someday??!!!!???!?!?!!?

Right now I am thankful for my washing machine (Jack wet his fucking bed again, aaaaahhhhh!), the fact that it is Friday and I am not scared to death to face the day...hey it is getting better, the cigarette I am about to smoke, my morning run, the beautiful morning, and our good health.

When typing my gratitude I accidentally typed my morning rum. Too funny!!!!! I laughed out loud!! Cheers to margarita Fridays somewhere else.