For those of you that know me, you already know how I classify my seasons. There is necco candy heart season, peeps season, candy corn season, and candy cane season (this one also includes cookie icing and all the sprinkles and such you decorate with). Well, once again the stores are stocking candy corn, and it happens to be one of my favorite foods. BUT....believe it or not I have given up sugar. I use to be a sugar addict. I would eat bags of candy on a daily basis (twizzlers, gummy bears, good and plenty, bottle caps...I could go on forever). I don't like or eat chocolate, just sugar and artificial colors apparently. Before summer I decided to cut back and limit myself to eating sugar only on Friday. Every Friday I woke up and ate almost the whole jar of Fluff and never stopped until I went to bed. (I tried to only drink on Friday seeing as though there is a lot of sugar in alcohol and margarita mix, but that lasted all of one week.) I feel better not eating any sugar. I used to feel like shit the next day and had a sugar hangover, if not a real hangover.
Apple picking was great. I had such a stomach ache by the time we came home. You have to test the apples y'know. The kids had fun and now we have copious amounts of apples sitting in our kitchen. We will go to the orchard probably 3 or 4 more times this season and repeat the same process. I love it.
Went to a meeting last night. I feel so bad when they ask me to speak and I can't get my thoughts together. Last night's topic was day by day and some tips and inspirations for a newcomer. When asked to speak, I said I was new myself and was still listening and learning. What I should have said was how sometimes the only thing that keeps from drinking is the meeting I plan to attend that night, and how I feel a sense of relief after I get there and how I sometimes day by day doesn't work for me, but moment by moment does!!!!
I am loving all of your comments and suggestions, and no, I do not have a sponsor yet. I plan to talk to a few more people at the meeting on Saturday. I love this meeting. It is a great blend of people and there is some great sobriety there along with some rookies, like me. But because of all your great advice I am able to think this through moment by moment and see things from different prospectives.
At the moment I am grateful for not needing a drink, my crazy kids, my loving husband, the numbers one through ten (I have had to count them to myself many times over the past few days), fresh air, my fabulous neighborhood (still missing you, Kate), and apples, apples, apples.
Cheers to margarita Friday and candy corn somewhere else!!!!!!!
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2 comments:
Keep the honesty flowing! I can't tell you how many meetings I left, in the early days, seeing, "moments" later, better things I could have "shared" or NOT. For me, I was encouraged by the fact that I had rarely "criticised" my actions with such calm. I was becoming more "aware". I started to grasp the concept of "a new way of thinking". I just needed to shift my "new" 20/20 hindsight into 20/20 PRESENT. This brings me to the importance of...TIME! Hopefully, you have, many phone numbers from other AAs...USE THEM, NOW! You MUST train your brain, in your "stable" moments, so that you, "reflexively", PICK UP THE PHONE...when the "shit hits the fan"! Much like a tennis player, you must practice, practice, practice...so, when the WILD shot comes at you, "instinctively", you know HOW to get the ball back over the net, in TIME, without "scrambling"! Your cat might be "chasing its tail"! You know, by now, how "fleeting" your thoughts can be. Think back...try to nail down that EXACT INSTANT, nano-second, FLASH of CLARITY that brought you onto this "PATH"! How many thoughts "coalesced" at that POINT in time...? Unfortunately, "unCLARITY", is just as illusive! Now that you recognize this....PREPARE!...."But because of all your great advice I am able to think this through moment by moment and see things from different prospectives."....Contact with us, takes TOO MUCH TIME! Please, tell us you are establishing a MORE "rapid response team"? This early going is the MOST critical!
Good job on recognizing the importance of "planning your day around your meeting". My personal "theory" about meetings, and I have seen "studies" to back this up, is "when many people gather, in a "singleness" of purpose, "compassion" and unconditional love in their hearts "healing" energy (maybe guidance or direction), is accessed"! Notice...I did not specify, "sobriety", as the purpose. Next time you are at a PTO meeting...throw your "purpose" into the equation? You might need some help from other PTOs. "You will get BETTER(?), despite yourself!"
Getting a sponsor? It was one of the scariest "suggestions" required of me, UNTIL the counselors gave me the "TEMPORARY", option! The nervousness, I felt, left me. Both parties, have an out! It's NOT a marriage! It's not a date, it is someone to talk to...to establish a "point-woman" in your "rapid response team". Think of yourself, as "unemployed" and you desparately, need a job...it doesn't have to be the "perfect" job...just a paycheck! You don't even have to like the "boss"! But, you NEED "cash-flow"...and you might pick up some "skills" to move on to your next "employer"! After, you've been there awhile..."LOOK AT YOUR PAYCHECK"! If it PAYS well, forget what you think about the "boss" and get RICH! Always have your next job, SECURE, before you quit your PRESENT employer! Get a TEMPORARY SPONSOR!
To give you a GLIMPSE into your "possible" future, I will use sponsorship. Do you "sponsor" your kids, your husband, your friends, your parents and even your cat? Do you see how they "sponsor" you? You may be under the impression...that my WHOLE existence revolves around AA, addiction and recovery? These are very "important" to me, but it is the spiritual aspect and my "new AWARENESS" that I value most, as a result of this process. My "sponsorship" extends well beyond the "fellowship". I believe, it is my "human" responsibility, to hold "compassion" in my heart, for ALL creatures on this earth...regardless of my "differences"! It is simple to say, but requires practice, practice, practice...to achieve! "Progress, not perfection!" I may hear..Sadness, in a stranger's voice...is it "right time, right place" to say something to cheer them up? What do I say? How do I say it? In order to keep my EGO "right-sized"...can I do this "anonymously"? AND TELL NO ONE!...In business, I now "HOLD" purpose in "mind" and compassion in "heart"....I "see", "hear" and "feel" the WHOLE world...differently! You can get "HIGH ON LIFE"...I can recall many "natural" HIGH moments in my addiction, BUT I can only imagine how MANY went UNNOTICED! Now, I try to be TOTALLY engaged in every SECOND of my "unknown" FUTURE...with gratitude for my PAST which brought me to this INSTANT!
You are doing GREAT! Remember "Time takes Time", I am just trying to help you "bend' it.
what is candy corn???
i'm so glad to hear you're coping moment by moment. do what works for you!!!
what you said there about not being able to speak is so familiar. my head is so full of thoughts and things, but heaven forbid someone asks me to speak, i go completely blank...
stay in the moment and have a super saturday!
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