Jack and I went apple picking again; we were running low. It was a beautiful day and we had a fabulous time. I am grateful for this day but still not sure why and how I can feel so bummed out. I realize life is not so bad and can't seem to cheer up. I would like to sleep for an extended period of time. Waking up this morning was tough but I did it. I ran with Amy, and like I said it is nice to talk to someone. It takes my mind off of my problems.
I think I am going to quit smoking this weekend and thinking of getting a job of some sort. I need some distraction. Something!!!!!
I realize now that I cannot kick this alcohol thing on my own and need to get a sponsor and lots of #s and friends to converse with. I need help. It has occupied 99 percent of my thoughts throughout the day and it sucks. I want it to stop. I don't care if I cannot and will not drink for the rest of my life. It is not worth it anyway. I need to go call someone....more later.
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3 comments:
i couldn't do it on my own. it's so much easier to talk to an outsider, be it aa or rehab or whatever. get it. it'll help you tremendously, i'm sure!!!
enjoy the apples!!!
I also believe in the power of conversation! If I couldn't find someone to "bitch" with; I wrote in a journal! My thoughts were not REAL, until they were manifested outside of my mind. Once they were given "life", I could "see" how ridiculous most of them were. Obviously, this process is still true, today...THESE WORDS "NOW", ARE THE PRODUCT OF "MY" THOUGHTS...Interestingly, I had different "words" I wanted to share with you, yesterday...but my server went down and they were lost...perhaps, that was a good thing, considering how "unclear" this appears to be...What I am trying to say is...Our "thought-world" is UNREAL! This is true, regardless of OUR condition! Most people, have no difficulty, understanding this FACT and their thought-world is more in line with the REAL world. It wasn't until my "thinking" was exposed to REALITY...did I begin to understand how FAR off the mark my, booze "fueled", thought-world had taken me. My perspective began to change ONLY with the help of others who could "understand" the language of my twisted "planet". Deconstructing MY WORLD was the most PAINFUL part of the process...How could I have been so "deluded". My best thinking could not see the truth! I hope you can make some sense of what I am saying? TALK TO OTHERS...LISTEN ACTIVELY! DO WHAT IS SUGGESTED!
I saw a pretty interesting DVD yesterday, concerning "Moment Living". It is called "Peaceful Warrior" (links below). You will be in my "heart/mind" the instant I post this, as you have, each time I open your page. Always thinking of what I can say to "help" you. You can DO this! SURRENDER!
Peaceful Warrior-Info
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=6770941457560349256
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9BBDexSzmMM
Do you get the Oxygen Channel? If not, it's worth the rental.
Perhaps you can record it?
28 Days-Sandra Bullock
Next Airs:
SAT 9/22 12:00am, OXYGEN 59, 120 mins
THU 9/27 12:00am, OXYGEN 59, 120 mins
SAT 9/29 6:00pm, OXYGEN 59, 120 mins
SUN 9/30 1:00am, OXYGEN 59, 120 mins
Almost forgot. Has Andy considered going to ALANON. It could help him "understand" what we ALL go though....just a suggestion...
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