September 28, 2007

Friday!!!

So, I typed that last one yesterday and apparently it was a very bad day for me. It is amazing what a difference a day can make. Today I woke up as stressed as I was the night before, but now I feel 100% better. I managed to accomplish a bunch of stuff that has been on my plate for a while and it has lifted my spirits.

I was worried because yesterday was such a bitch and that in the shower this morning I was thinking it would be the perfect day to stay home and hide, that I would make the trip to the liquor store this a.m. I passed one after my coffee date with my neighbor, but did not stop. Oh how I wanted to. I know that I need to feel my best tomorrow. I am taking our whole Brownie troop for an all day camping trip, and being drunk or hung over would probably be bad. It is all about the kids. I know I have to stay sober for them.

I try not to think so much about not being able to handle or even just face the day, but more about what needs to be achieved that day. By doing this I am able to achieve the one thing I truly want...not drinking!!!!

I haven't been to a meeting in forever. Our lives have been extremely hectic lately. It is all about the kids...as it should be. I use that phrase frequently, and for good reason. It is true. We do everything for them. I wish for them a life better than mine and so I try my best to give it to them. Lately I have gone mental!!!!! More like insane.

As I mentioned tomorrow will be an all day experience, and I will not be able to smoke. I think if I can make it through that tomorrow will be the day to quit. If not, I will roll up ten cigarettes and smoke them all together when I get home tomorrow night. I might need it. Some of those girl scout people are too much. They are the nicest, kindest, gentlest people on earth, but they take it way too seriously. Sometimes I just want to suggest some makeup or a haircut from this decade. I know it is harsh, and I am sure they are at peace with themselves, unlike someone I know. Maybe I should try to let myself go, forgo the makeup and brush, dig out my clothes from high school, and then I, too, will love myself and have time to love and care for others. Just a thought.

Today I am grateful for Friday, September 28th, and the fact that it is not yesterday, the wind, Cheez its, my husband who did not deserve to be yelled at this morning, my three beautiful children, Starbucks, our health and happiness (may it be coming back)

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