Today is my second sober day in a very long while. I am proud of myself and know I should be. Although I have eaten my weight in Goldfish, I have not had a morning, afternoon or before dinner V and T. I am hoping I can stay strong through the evening and get my ass to an AA meeting. I tried to quit smoking this a.m., but I now realize that I need to kick one addiction at a time. I have, although, only smoked four today (compared to 15 by this time on a normal day).
I am not sure I am buying the whole AA thing. I will however admit that it has been the only thing that has prevented me from drinking the past two days. When I set myself up to go I do not want to show up drunk or hung. I am sure I will understand it all someday, or maybe not.
This morning I realized that I am living Lifetime movie. I am the drunk mom that everyone avoids because I smell like vodka. I had an epiphany and now attend meetings and pray every day that I can face it without alcohol. The scariest part of my day is when I go bed. I am scared to death to wake up with the feeling that I want a drink. It has kept me up until 2 or 3 a.m. This is like no other fear I have had before. Willpower was never an issue. Where did it go?
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2 comments:
Congrats on your new blog! I know how you feel. Its tough to stay strong enough, when all you want is a drink. But we have drank enough, enough for an army, and its time to stop, if not for us, for our children. So good luck, keep going to meetings and I'll talk to you soon!
Hi, Welcome to blogging, most of us took a while to accept AA and the disease, illness we suffer from. Its was suggested to me to go to meetings, and talk with people who have accepted and that are living the solution, I will then see how it all works. I am glad I did :)
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