Let me tell you a little about my husband...He is one of the most supportive people in my life. usually he has more faith in me than I do. I did end up drinking way too much yesterday. It was a blur by the end of the party and I am paying for it with my headache, lack of an a.m. run and the fact I have to drive two and half hours to my parents house with my kids in the car. I derserve to be hung and I am truly thankful that it is just a headache and nothing else. I did sober up, after I told my husband how lit I was, and got my ass to a meeting. If only I went to a morning meeting, this may have been avoided (no one will ever know)!
Back to my husband...When mentioning gratitude, I never include him, but he show take the top slot everytime. First of all without him I would not have those three beautiful children in my living room. Yes, I may have three different children, but they would not have those beautiful brown eyes and the same charming personalities. They are unique to us. Ours and no one could have done it better. Secondly, he has never judged me. I am sure I have passed judgement on him before although, while recognizing my own faults and weakness, I am less likely to judge others. Sometimes I wonder how Andy can live without any addictions and always in moderation. Is it possible? He makes it look easy. I am sure I have enough destructive behaviors for the both of us. I believe I am with him for a reason...If we were similiar in these ways our children would be SOL. I love him for loving me like every husband should love his wife. Even though I do not always have a smile for him, I know I can come home to him and feel like that's where I belong.
I suppose I will start again. And I was doing well. My neighbor pointed out that my parents and family were not worth picking up the first drink. She is right. Could she have made this statement prior to the party? I know, I know hind sight is 20/20.
Let's give it another try. Thank you to everyone for the support. I truly enjoy your comments and apologize to you and myself for being so weak.
Enjoy the perfect summer weather.
Today I am grateful for MY HUSBAND, those three beautiful children, star wars, my really bad coffee, fantasy football (not for me), my Polish skin, and my family and friends who made for a great party yesterday. We missed you, Kate.
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This is for you, Kate
A day at a time in the life of a not so drunk soccer mom.
This is for you, Kate
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About Me
- Johna
- New York
- A little about myself...I am a 32 year old mom of three beautiful children and wife of a very supportive and loving man. I have everything I could ever want, except for the willpower to stop drinking.
6 comments:
Johna: Well you tried and now you can try again. Are you indeed powerless and is you life unmanageable?
Weak? I don't think so. Just the bog standard lack of what the big book calls a 'mental defence'. That's all. VERY treatable, you'll be glad to hear..IF you keep in 'fit spiritual condition'. Not that difficult really..
Try doing the '6 things' on my sidebar as a basic way of staying sober while you look for a sponsor to teach you the 'tricks of the trade.'
Keep coming back!
"Once more: The alcoholic at certain times has no effective mental defense against the first drink. Except in a few cases, neither he nor any other human being can provide such a defense. His defense must come from a Higher Power."
pg. 42 More About Alcoholism,, Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition
"The actual or potential alcoholic, with hardly any exception, will be absolutely unable to stop drinking on the basis of self-knowledge."
pg. 39 More About Alcoholism, Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition
"The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink. Our so called will power becomes practically nonexistent. We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink.
The almost certain consequences that follow taking even a glass of beer do not crowd into the mind to deter us. If these thoughts occur, they are hazy and readily supplanted with the old threadbare idea that this time we shall handle ourselves like other people. There is a complete failure of the kind of defense that keeps one from putting his hand on a hot stove.
The alcoholic may say to himself in the most casual way, "It wont burn me this time, so here´s how!" Or perhaps he doesn´t think at all. How often have some of us begun to drink in this nonchalant way, and after the third or fourth, pounded on the bar and said to ourselves, "For God's sake, how did I ever get started again?" Only to have that thought supplanted by "Well, I´ll stop with the sixth drink." Or "What's the use anyhow?"
When this sort of thinking is fully established in an individual with alcoholic tendencies, he has probably placed himself beyond human aid, and unless locked up, may die or to permanently insane."
pg. 24
Sux about giving in, but I know how hard it is. The wonderful thing is you went back to a meeting and get to start over. Don't get discouraged, keep trying and leaning on your wonderful husband.
Hang in there girlie :) Hubby sounds wonderful! Today is a new day. Just don't pick up the 1st drink TODAY and you won't get drunk.. Get #'s from some AA peeps - and remember - they WANT you to call or they wouldn't have given you their number. I promise it gets easier and life mucho better. Hugs!
think you are weak ? lacking in power ? no willpower ?
Remember that we deal with alcohol-cunning, baffling-powerful! Without help it is too much for us. But there is One who has all power P58, P59
Try praying for a sober day. or a sober morning, and then again for a sober afternoon, and then again for a sober evening.
Pick up the phone, before picking up a drink.
Do the suggestions irish friend talks about, they work.
and stay away from alcohol for the time being, it is the 1st drink
Sounds like you have a beautiful family. You have alot to look forward too. ROXY
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