What a fabulous day!!!!!! It all started last night when I went to a meeting and heard some heartfelt stories and inspiring wisdom. Five minutes before the meeting ended it was my turn to share. I started with the usual "I don't speak well, I turn red, and it will be short and probably not so sweet" I am not even sure what I said last night, but whatever it was caused people to laugh and joke with me after the meeting. I am starting to get it...the sense of unity and community. What great people!!!!!
I ran this morning with Amy and it was a great run, and I am sure she would agree. We finished in record time and pushed each other all the way. It is nice to run with someone a few mornings a week; we get to talk and laugh.
Jack and I went shopping today at The Gap. My only complaint about today is when I bought a pair of pants that were size 6 (did not try them on), only to get home and find out I need a size four. Good Lord, I am not a size four. Where are all the truly size 2 people buying their clothes now. Do they have to shop in the kids' section? This vanity sizing has to GO!
While on the phone with my BBF Kate I was folding laundry (big surprise), and could not find my new running sock that I had just purchased two days ago. My day has been going so well, and I knew that the sock would not have ruined that, but it would bother me until I found it. Needless to say it was sitting on the kitchen floor, where it had fallen from the basket. I am still on top of the world. (I honestly think I would still be, sock or no sock)
I must go Jack is chasing the cat with a very large plastic, roaring dinosaur. Poor kitty.
Grateful for TODAY, my higher power (which hasn't knocked on my door yet, but I know it's out there somewhere), my sweet, sweet children, the empty hamper, coffee, coffee, coffee, and the ability to breathe, eat, sleep, and DREAM
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This is for you, Kate
A day at a time in the life of a not so drunk soccer mom.
This is for you, Kate
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- Johna
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- A little about myself...I am a 32 year old mom of three beautiful children and wife of a very supportive and loving man. I have everything I could ever want, except for the willpower to stop drinking.
8 comments:
Phew! Glad you finally made it to a meeting. Well done for sharing. See? It works ! if !! you work it. So please keep coming back, and try some of the other suggestions too. they make you feel good just the same way.
why not get a service comittment at that meeting. making the tea or setting up the chairs or something?
anyway. glad to hear you are feeling better. Keep on 'doin the deal', as they say..
you are sounding wonderful!!!!
your sock reminds me of an ad on tv a while ago. some beautiful song was playing and here this 1 sock gets out of the washing basket and creeps out the house, down the road, sneaks onto a ship and off onto a rowing boat, onto this island and as he/she/it comes over this dune, there's this huge bonfire, party and music where all the odd socks and strange things one looses in the house are having a party of their life! so, next time you can't find that sock, go to that island and bring it home!
Sharing at meetings - not so fun huh?! Gosh can I relate or what. At my meeting yesterday the topic was fear and 2 people commented about speaking in meetings and how hard it as for them. One girl shared that her sponsor told her NOT to speak for 3 months - I suppose as a way to take the pressure off herself. The other person shared his fear of all the people in the room. It was nice to know that I was not the only one with fear of speaking. I too turn red and lose my thoughts and think I babble and it makes no sense. But it makes sense to someone there and someone there completely understands I promise. I heard of another person not speaking in a meeting for 8 years!! He didn't recommend it BUT you do what you have to do and if listening and learning is where you are, it is where you are and that is OKAY. Take care and keep coming back :)
CANCEROUS GROWTH
I imagine AA to be a cancerous growth in our society. I'm a recovered alcoholic who has been sober for over 22 years. I've seen this "cult" virtually destroy people where they become these Bill & Bob zombies devoid of any emotion. I imagine most of the Steppers are not dealing with their core issues and become addicted to the "droning Bill & Bob heads" who pop up and expel meaningless diatribe from their mouths. Alcoholism is the only "disease" one doesn't recover from & one is continually confessing ones non - existent sins, which intensify the guilt and fear when one is not at a meeting (indoctrination session). I imagine AA meetings numb and shutdown the critical thinking section of ones brain. I know a guy who has been sober for over 30 years and I imagine him to be quite mad - he doesn't even know what he's feeling most of the time apart from feeling depressed. I imagine AA to be the road to hell and that it's anti - Christ and the Steppers sell their souls to the "cult", because they are too terrified to face their “demons” & recover their true selves. That "inner child" who is waiting to be freed is slowly pushed down until it disappears into oblivion. That "child" is God! "Unless you become like little children...." "The kingdom of God is within you!" I hear things like; "I need to do the Steps!" "I need more meetings!" "I had cancer or my wife died or I lost my job!" "But! Guess what! I didn't pick up a drink". They might as well say; "I fell of my chair but I didn’t pick up a drink”! "Meaningless”! Why? Because one is not expressing ones feelings! Ones process is all about feelings! How does one recover if one doesn’t feel ones pain, fear, & shame & understand that these feelings, especially if they are overwhelming; are feelings, from ones childhood. All AA does is suppress these feelings until one ends up a semi - depressed zombie like the lunatic who has been sober for over 30 years. Can you see how dangerous this "cult" is? A madman, Bill Wilson, started it and if you want to end up like him, keep going to meetings. The sure way to insanity is "Meetings!" "Meetings!" "Meetings!"
Peace Be With You
Micky
AA PUSSIES!!
I don't attend AA meetings anymore -- thank God. I imagine leaving AA becomes more difficult the longer one has been exposed to this evil, soul-destroying cult. I read with some sadness of a Stepper who wanted to leave but found it difficult because AA was his whole life. One becomes trapped & I imagine most Steppers feel safe albeit quite isolated from the real world. I imagine most Steppers don't have the guts to quit (AA) because of the indoctrination ("If you quit AA -- You will drink").
My process (recovery) started in 1994 (therapy, etc) but it took me many years to make a complete break from all 12 Step programs (I was also going to SLAA, CODA, ACOA). I imagine most alcoholics are terrified of intimacy (emotional cowards) & attending 12 Step programs is the ultimate escape (from intimacy). I would suggest that quite a few of the Steppers are "pussies" because they won’t face life "full on" without the "crutch" of 12 Step programs.
Peace Be With You
Micky
"Hey Bob"
BILL:]
Hey, hey BOB, I had a SPIRITUAL AWAKENING
Hey, hey BOB, my higher power, will always do
I've waited so long for BOOZE to be through
BOB, I can't wait to meet you
My love, my love
[BOB:]
Hey BILL, I've had a BRAINSTORM too
Hey, hey, hey BILL, I want to meet you too
If your PROGRAM is true, if you love AA, BILL!!
The BIG BOOK will always be real
My love, my love
[BILL&BOB:]
AA means planning a life for two
Being together the whole day through
True SOBRIETY means waiting and hoping that soon
The 12 STEPS will come true
My love, my love
Peace Be With You
Micky
BILL WILSON'S PACT WITH SATAN
From Bill's Story:
Co - founder of AA, Bill Wilson's story has been in every edition of the book Alcoholics Anonymous.
With ministers, and the world's religions, I parted right there. When they talked of a God personal to me, who was love, superhuman strength and direction, I became irritated and my mind snapped shut against such a theory.
To Christ I conceded the certainty of a great man, not too closely followed by those who claimed Him. His moral teaching -- most excellent. For myself, I had adopted those parts which seemed convenient and not too difficult; the rest I disregarded.
My friend suggested what then seemed a novel idea. He said, "Why don't you choose your own conception of God?"
That statement hit me hard. It melted the icy intellectual mountain in whose shadow I had lived and shivered many years. I stood in the sunlight at last.
It was only a matter of being willing to believe in a Power greater than myself. Nothing more was required of me to make my beginning. I saw that growth could start from that point. Upon a foundation of complete willingness I might build what I saw in my friend. Would I have it? Of course I would! Thus was I convinced that God is concerned with us humans when we want Him enough. At long last I saw, I felt, I believed. Scales of pride and prejudice fell from my eyes. A new world came into view.
The real significance of my experience in the Cathedral burst upon me. For a brief moment, I had needed and wanted God. There had been a humble willingness to have Him with me -- and He came. But soon the sense of His presence had been blotted out by worldly clamors, mostly those within myself. And so it had been ever since. How blind I had been.
At the hospital I was separated from alcohol for the last time. Treatment seemed wise, for I showed signs of delirium tremens.
There I humbly offered myself to God, as I then I understood Him, to do with me as He would. I placed myself unreservedly under His care and direction. I admitted for the first time that of myself I was nothing; that without Him I was lost. I ruthlessly faced my sins and became willing to have my new-found Friend take them away, root and branch. I have not had a drink since. Simple, but not easy; a price had to be paid. It meant destruction of self-centeredness. I must turn in all things to the Father of Light who presides over us all. These were revolutionary and drastic proposals, but the moment I fully accepted them, the effect was electric. There was a sense of victory, followed by such a peace and serenity as I had never know. There was utter confidence. I felt lifted up, as though the great clean wind of a mountain top blew through and through. God comes to most men gradually, but His impact on me was sudden and profound.
For a moment I was alarmed, and called my friend, the doctor, to ask if I were still sane. He listened in wonder as I talked.
Finally he shook his head saying, "Something has happened to you I don't understand. But you had better hang on to it. Anything is better than the way you were." The good doctor now sees many men who have such experiences. He knows that they are real.
While I lay in the hospital the thought came that there were thousands of hopeless alcoholics who might be glad to have what had been so freely given me. Perhaps I could help some of them. They in turn might work with others.
There is no mention of JESUS CHRIST in the BIG BOOK or the 12 STEPS. Wilson was used by SATAN to delude millions of people.
John 3:16 (chapter 3, verse 16 of the Gospel of John) is one of the most widely quoted verses from the Christian Bible. It has been called the "Bible in a nutshell" because it is considered a summary of some of the most central doctrines of traditional Christianity:
For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have eternal life.
A typical interpretation of the verse might go as follows:
· For God so loved the world... - God is a God of love and this love motivates his action in the rest of the verse
· ...that he gave... - there was God giving something, his son as a sacrifice
· ...his only begotten[1] Son... - the human Jesus of Nazareth is also the Son of God, and also the Second Person of the Trinity
· ...that whosoever... - that salvation is open to all who will believe
· ...believeth... - being saved is based on belief or faith, rather than based on human works.
· ...in Him... - the belief being in Jesus, the Saviour
· ...should not perish... - implies the fate of those who do not believe, that is the doctrine of hell
· ...but have everlasting life. - shows the reward of those who believe, that is the doctrine of heaven
Peace Be With You
Micky
Dear Johna
Now you know the truth - AA will destroy you, emotionally and spiritually. The only way you will be SAVED is through the saving Grace of our Lord, Jesus Christ (John 3:16). I am just an instrument. The choice is yours, Jesus Christ or Satan (AA).
PEACE BE WITH YOU
MICKY
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