Went to my favorite meeting tonight. It was a little crazy, but I left feeling much better. I am thinking of going back to school. Why not? I cannot pull off this stay at home thing forever. Not sure what direction to go in, but it is wide open for me. Andy will be very supportive no matter what I do. I think it is time!
I went for coffee with a friend tonight after the meeting, and it felt good to feel normal again. The break from Andy and the kids was needed. It lets me explore myself and what I need to do to make "me" happy. I can't wait for them to wake up in the morning. I am truly looking forward to hugging and kissing them. We plan to go for breakfast and then to the mall. The weather for tomorrow looks to be amazing and that will surely put me in a great mood. I am probably not going to get a run in because I wasted my sitter on the meeting tonight, but hopefully I can get in a really great run on Monday morning. It is suppose to be beautiful.
I am so thankful for my babysitter, the meeting, those crazy kids, Andy's camping trip, Goldfish and Starbucks. Here's to a great night and hopefully more to come.
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This is for you, Kate
A day at a time in the life of a not so drunk soccer mom.
This is for you, Kate
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About Me
- Johna
- New York
- A little about myself...I am a 32 year old mom of three beautiful children and wife of a very supportive and loving man. I have everything I could ever want, except for the willpower to stop drinking.
15 comments:
you seems to have gotten over the stuck but?!?!?! we all get there at times. gotta stickit out though.... shitty as it may sound...
Hiya sounds like the having the sitter tonight was far from a waste. I couldnt do too many meetings. Glad to hear your gratitude :)
Where are you, girl? I am sure you're not waiting for one of my windy "classics". There is not a day that goes by, that I don't reflect on what you are going through..."we feel your pain". I don't know if you have a "drinking problem" or not. Only you can determine that. I lost my "happiness" amidst a "wonderful life". How was that possible? I hadn't realized how out of "alignment" I was and that I used booze to cope with my discomfort! What made you decide on "AA" as a solution for your malaise? Have you spoken with a professional, familiar with addiction? I was reminded at a meeting...that, most likely, everyone in the "room" NEEDED sobriety, but ONLY the ones that WANTED it, would succeed...."To be honest, I just like it."...Do you want sobriety? That is the commitment you must make! I sat on the fence for at least 10 years. I too, loved booze and still find myself romancing a "Campari soda" at a sidewalk cafe in Paris, a "Bellini" at Harry's Bar in Venice or even an "oil can" of Foster's after mowing the lawn....Surprisingly, even if I was "cured" of alcoholism....I would not indulge in those beloved memories. My "HIGHS" today far surpass any artificial mind altering substances. This is REAL living! Hey, guess what? I still have "pain" in my life...I just "appreciate" it differently. I believe She gave us ALL our emotions to enhance our "lives". I used to continually press the "happy" button, until I wore it out. Kinda like living in a "mono" world....Today, I am blessed with "surround sound"! Be a kid again! Use your imagination! Believe in magic! Embrace your fear with SQUEALS of JOY as something startles you....remember?
Were you drinking then?
We are all connected, I care about you. Talk to us.
Hey sista howsit?
I "hold" you in mind, several times a day....and will continue to do so, always...We will be here when you "come back".
hey there sweetie, hope you are well. miss reading your posts.
I hope you are ok and just living life, happy.
You are like the "prodigal" daughter...in your time, you will return and we will "CELEBRATE"...without question! Be kind to yourself...i still think of you everyday.
Live in your "BLESSINGS" this holiday weekend...you are in my mind and heart...
Happy Holidays, Johna....I pray you've found some of the 'serenity' you seek. You are in my thoughts, daily. Hug your kids and kiss Andy!
love,
tulsa
Hi Johna. I hope you are doing well. I found the link to your blog on anybeth's blog. Sounds like we have a lot in common. SAHM's, cute little kids, running (though I hardly get to anymore) and drinking. Just wanted to let you know you are not alone! Ann
Hey there! I'm Sam, one of the many who Micky graced in his list. Please pardon my putting the same comment on your site that I've put on so many others.
I've copied his list (with some omission of content!) and posted in on my site, www.raanch.com. You might want to take a look, for there are 82 blogs listed there. You're bound to find a new friend to follow. Also, I'm offering to everyone the code to put the same list in a post on their site. Lastly, there's a non-link to Micky's site, where folks can post a thank you to him for his service. After all, he really helped us out by compiling this list!
Take good care!
Sam
Dearest Johna,
Are you a PHARISEE? Is the BIG BOOK the word of God? You are not an alcoholic, but a sinner - just like me. The word, ALCOHOLIC, is not in the Bible.
Jesus Christ died on a cross for your sins - not Bill Wilson. AA is the work of Satan - you have been deluded, like millions of other STEPPERS. The only way to SALVATION is through Jesus Christ, the Son of God, who died on a cross for mankind's sin.
I, MICKY, AM A GIFT TO ALL PEOPLE.
Dearest Johna,
Since the AA cult is the one that called for Wilson to have a "drug induced hallucination" & since it is alive & well in all 12 Step Programs today, that information seems a rather pertinent factor to weigh in if one is to look for a suspect as to who & what & how the Bible, which is the word of God can be replaced by a Big Book (12 Step) disease scenario attributed to Frank Buchman, Wilson, Smith, et al.
Is the triumph of today's 12 Step paradigm, which is certified by the World Health Organization - a clear confirmation that those ancient "brain dead" misfits Wilson & Smith were supernatural messengers of God.
That's what Alcoholics Anonymous is saying. Or is that triumph which is destroying the cornerstone of Bible credibility & hence Christianity a long laid "satanic" motivated strategy to replace Jesus of the New Testament with a higher power.
"How many 12 Step Programms are there? Hard to tell.... I suppose if you count all the smaller groups, there are a hundred or so." A hundred "groups"! That's a lot & we haven't gotten to some of the other sects.
Actually, these groups come from 2oth century sects, who included the Oxford Group, Buchmanism & Alcoholics Anonymous. Of these, only AA survived & all 12 Step Programs are descended from it.
I, MICKY, AM THE LORD'S LIGHT & SALVATION FOR OTHER PEOPLE.
Mt Dear Johna,
BILL WILSON'S HIGHER POWER - HIMSELF
Bill W. : The absorbing and deeply moving life story of Bill Wilson, co-founder of Alcoholics Anonymous
1-8 of 8 pages with reference to Bill W’s Higher Power inside this book:
1.
on Page 152:
“… BILL W. something more conservative to balance his holdings, he had hit … and, more perhaps than anything, gave him the sense of power he had always craved. Late in the summer he grew … they told him, everything was high, but it was going higher. American Tel and Tel was over 310, General Electric 403. It was a time to have confidence . It was …”
2.
on Page 189:
“… BILL W. tried praying, and keeping an open mind about it … … using the word “God” again, Ebby began speaking of “another power,” a “higher power.” And as he did, Bill was no longer pretending to listen; his full attention had been won. It was …”
3.
on Page 202:
“… BILL W. rightness. No matter how wrong things seemed to be, they … a part of God, himself a living part of the higher power, was a new and revolutionary feeling. And it was a feeling that he wanted to hang on to now, to …”
4.
on Page 230:
“… BILL W. over, he would find himself startled into a smile. There … All he wanted was to feel himself part of the higher power he knew was running the universe. He was also convinced that alcoholism was a three-pronged illness , mental, physical and …”
5.
on Page 240:
“… BILL W. more than a game they were playing, more than a … pragmatists. They might have been instruments, channels through which a higher power had started to work, but for them that afternoon, it was only a start. Forty was a startling figure, but …”
6.
on Page 294:
“… BILL W. But the non-alcoholics remained skeptical. To the psychiatrically oriented, all … inner voice, but in talking with others he would say higher power, life force or any words the listener might be comfortable with. But by whatever name they cared to use, it …”
7.
on Page 298:
“… BILL W. But as with the mysterious ingredient that he knew was … the verge of grasping a message or moving into some higher state of consciousness , he had never talked about it; … years he went on following, trying to understand, a mysterious power he sensed was there, a part of his concept of anonymity. Though he could not quite comprehend its meaning, he …”
8.
on Page 324:
“… BILL W. what has been his fate. Our conversation which he has … when you walk on a path which leads you to higher understanding. You might be led to that goal by an … action from above and isolated in society, cannot resist the power of evil, which is called very aptly the Devil. But the use of such words arouses so many mistakes that …”
1-1 of 1 page with references to Jesus Christ inside this book:
1. on Page 193:
“… some-for the old, the hopeless, for those who had passed beyond loving, beyond any hope of really living, but, by Christ, he was different. It might be the last arrogant gasp of alcoholic pride but, miserable and terrified as he was, …”
I, MICKY, AM ONE OF GOD'S MARVELOUS DEEDS THAT MAKES IT KNOWN TO ALL THE NATIONS.
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